//actually, this jokes are pangasar para sa mga lasallians,
pero nakakaloko talaga..
got this sa net..
The Things We Learn in Grade School
Chance had it that an Atenean and a La Sallite were peeing in the Men's Room at the same time. The Atenean finished first and after a quick shake, zipped up and was about to quickly exit.
The La Sallite finished peeing immediately after, approached the sink, turned on the faucet, started to wash his hands and hurriedly shot a remark at the departing Atenean - "You must be an Atenean!"
The Atenean replied, "Why yes... You're right... But aside from the obvious markings on my jacket, how did you know?"
To which, the La Sallite answered rather haughtily, "I noticed - you didn't wash your hands after peeing. You see, we, La Sallites, were taught, very early in Grade School, to always wash our hands after we pee!"
And the Atenean replied somewhat sheepishly, "Oh... Well.. You see, we Ateneans were taught, very early in Grade School, never to pee in our hands..."
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Parking
Sa UP mahirap ang Math. Sa Ateneo mahirap ang English. Sa La Salle mahirap ang parking.
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Brains & Money
If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to UP. If you have some brains and some money, go to Ateneo. If you have no brains and lots of money, go to La Salle.
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ETC....
A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it would be a good idea if he solicited the support of a number of the Catholic Schools to get together to create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas Mass.
The day before Christmas, the Monsignor discovered that the Nativity Scene was still incomplete so he made a few inquiries on why this was so.
Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and not three wise men. La Salle reported it couldn't come up with even a single wise man. UST reported that it couldn't come up with even a single virgin.
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What should an Atenean do when a La Sallite hurls a grenade at him?
The Atenean should pick up the grenade, pull the firing pin and hurl it back at the La Sallite
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Math Contest Examiner to La Sallite: Two plus two?
La Sallite: Por.
Math Contest Examiner to Atenean: Two plus two?
Atenean: Fivvvvvvvvehhh.
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How do Lasallites count to ten?
-- One, two, three, another, another, another ...
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DLSU and ADMU Final Exams
Have you ever wondered how you would have fared as either a La Sallite or an Atenean? Here's your chance to find out! Take either the La Salle Final Exams or the Ateneo Final Exams. Or take both and find out what makes each one tick (or not tick...).
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University of the Philippines Business Math
A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one peso. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C," the cost of production, contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?
Ateneo de Manila Business Math
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for PHPesos100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. However, he mobilizes all loggers to claim profits were higher so that his logging company would be ranked number 2 in the country. What is his profit?
La Salle Business Math
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for PHPesos100. His cost of production is PHPesos80 and his profit is PHPesos20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
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Question: Why is the sky blue?
Answer: Because God is an Atenean.
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Pasikatan ng Gradweyts
UP: A number of past Philippine presidents graduated from UP. Presidents Roxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos, to name just a few!
ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of Ateneo graduates became national heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen. Gregorio del Pilar, Gen. Antonio Luna, Evelio Javier and many others.
UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates become presidents and lead countries while Ateneans end up getting shot!
LA SALLE: Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyt namin!
UP & ATENEO: Bakit sino ba ang mga graduates ninyo?
LA SALLE: Aba! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts; si Gary Valenciano, Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsieur del Rosario....
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Why did the La Sallite drive around the block 57 times?
Because his turn signal was stuck.
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A La Sallite walks into a MegaMall store and says: "Miss, I'd like a green parrot, please."
The salesgirl looks at him and asks: "Sir..., are you a Lasallite, by any chance?"
The La Sallite replies: "O... bakit mo naman natanong 'yan? If I ordered BLUE cheese, would you ask me if I were from Ateneo? I don't think so. If I bought a MAROON shirt, would you ask me if I were from UP? I' think not. So why then, when I want to buy a GREEN parrot, do you ask me if I'm from Lasalle???"
"Sir... kasi naman..." replied the salesgirl, "this is a flower shop, eh."
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Two La Sallites meet on the street and carry on a typical La Sallite conversation:
La Sallite #1: If you can tell me how many chickens I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them.
La Sallite #2: Uh, two?
La Sallite #1: Daya mo! You peeked!
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Tatlong Magkaka-brakada: a La Sallite, a UPian, and an Atenean went on a hunting trip.
The first night, the guy from UP comes back to the cabin with a big deer. The others ask him how he did it, and he cooly replies: "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!"
The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also with a big deer. "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!" was the Atenean's story.
So the La Sallite decides to try it himself. But the next night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his two companions find him bruised and bloody all over. "What happened?" they ask?
"Well," replies the La Sallite, "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! A train hit me."
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During the finals of the inter-university Catholic debate, the finalists were an Atenean and a Lasallite. The judge was a Thomasian. Since both were tied, the UST priest decides that to break the tie, a silent debate would be used.
The Atenean begins by raising one finger at the Lasallite. The Lasallite raises three fingers. The Lasallite wins the round.
In the next round, the Atenean raises a piece of bread and throws it to the ground. The Lasallite gets an apple and throws it. Lasallite wins the round.
In teh final round the Atenean shows an open palm. The Lasallian shows a closed fist. The Lasallian wins the debate.
The Jesuit priests asked the Atenean why he lost. "Father, the Lasallite was so good. When I showed him one finger, it meant that there was only one God. He raised three, showing there are three persons in one God. In the next round I showed a piece of bread, which means man does not live by bread alone. He showed an apple, which meant we must overcome temptation. In the last round I showed him an empty palm which signifies man's emptiness, and he showed me a closed fist, which meant God's encompassing love. I lost, Father, I am sorry." And the Atenean fet miserable losing.
Over in the other camp, the Lasallite was bragging to their President. "Biro mo, ambobo ng Atenista. Pinakita niya isang daliri, sabi ko ako may tatlong daliri. Tapos pinakita niya ang tinapay. Naglabas nga ako ng apple na imported. Tapos nung huli pinakita niya kamay niya, sabi ko "gusto mo suntukan na lang tayo?"
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Q: Do you know what happened when the Atenean got kicked out and transferred to La Salle?
A: He raised the IQ in both schools.
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Q: What's the fastest way Lasallite can raise his IQ?
A: Stand on a chair.
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During a birthday party, four guests were seated around a birthday cake. Superman, Santa Claus, an arrogant Atenean, and a smart Lasallite. Suddenly the lights went out. When the lights came on, the cake was gone.
Q: Who ate the cake?
A: The arrogant Atenean. Why? Bec there is no such thing as Santa Claus, Superman or a smart Lasallite.
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A high school senior (never mind kung anong high school siya galing, di na importante yun) wanted to find out the results of the Ateneo College Entrance Test (ACET) so he dialled Ateneo's trunklline number.
The recorded message goes like this:
"Welcome to the ACET information hotline.....If you are on the Passing list, press "1"..............if you are on the Waiting list, press "2"................if you are neither on both lists, press "3"..................."
The college applicant, not really sure of his chances of passing, presses "3"
The recorded message goes: "Thank you....just a moment........"
After a brief pause, a LIVE person's voice suddenly comes on:
"Hello, this is La Salle........can I help you?"
//hahaha..ang pikon daw talo.. :P